Castles:Jokes

Your subjects have numerous jokes to tell during the course of the game, particularly jesters.

Generic

The following jokes will be told by the Subject randomly without special cause, they are divided into 2 types.

Punchline

• ...<Conjunction> the <Subject> <Say (v)>: 'That's not <Animal>, that's my <Relation>!
• ...<Conjunction> the <Subject> <Say (v)>: 'That's not my <Relation>, that's <Animal>!
• ...<Conjunction> the <Subject> <Say (v)>: 'That's not <Animal>, that's the <Noble>!
• ...<Conjunction> the <Subject> <Say (v)>: 'I think I'll have the <Meal> instead!
• ...and that's how I ended up with <Adjective> <Animal>' said the <Subject>!

Jokes

• <Subject 1>, <Subject 2> and <Subject 3> walk inside an inn. The innkeeper says 'Is this some kind of jest?'
• Do you know why the chicken was thrown in goal? The <king / queen> can't take a yolk.
• What's pink and has wings? A pig. I lied about the wings.
• Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
• I have many jokes about idle subjects, but none of them work.
• The adventurers were shocked to learn there was a Storm Atronach in the cave.
• Farewell, boiling water. You will be mist.
• I started out with nothing, and still have most of it.
• Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
• When I was young I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
• Did you hear of the hero who was half-burned by a dragon? He's all right now.
• My <husband / wife> and I were happy for years. And then we met.
• I ate an hourglass yesterday. It was time-consuming.
• One should always borrow gold from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.
• Did you hear about the <man / woman> wrestling a mudcrab? <he / she> pulled a mussel.
• There are three types of folks. Those who can count, and those who can’t.
• I tried to tell a thief a joke, but the problem is <he / she> takes things literally.
• Blunt swords are really pointless.
• A blind <Race> walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
• Do you know why mudcrabs have no friends? They're too shellfish.

Ruling Jokes

The following jokes can be seen in a specific Ruling.

"How can you tell a draugr is afraid? Easy, they turn wight!"

"Did you hear how the Redguard hurt (his / their / her) toe? (his / their / her) Hammerfell."

"Do you know why the Khajiit left in a hurry? They had to be Elsweyr."

"Why did the loner go to Skyrim? He wanted to live in Solitude."

"What did the giant say after eating the jester? Tastes funny."

"What do you call a Khajiit werewolf? An Elsweyrwolf."

"Why did the Dragonborn go up the mountain? To see what the Fus was about."

"Why did the Nord warrior keep a sword made of cheddar? It was extra sharp."

"They say the peasants are revolting. That's because they never bathe!"

"What's the difference between a bard and rabbit stew? The stew can feed a whole family."

"What did the emperor say when it was pouring outside? "Another day of reign."

"Do you know which side of a dragon is the scaliest? The outside."

"What's more dangerous than an elder dragon? Two elder dragons."

"Why did the undead queen break up with her vampire lover? He sucked."

"Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's all over town."

"I heard an ogre attacked a villager with a giant spoon. It caused quite a stir."

"Do you know how to talk to a giant? It's simple, just use big words."

"How do you call a goblin with just one foot? A hobblin'."

"What do you call a queue of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line."

"What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse."

"Do you know which kind of dog can jump higher than a castle? Any dog, castles can't jump."

"Did you hear of the two artists who had a duel? It ended in a draw."

"Do you know why ghosts are bad liars? You can see right through them."

"What did the plate say to the cup? Tonight, dinner's on me!"

"To you and me "jail" is but a word, but to a robber, it's a whole sentence."

"They say Akatosh is wise, but he does have a tendency to dragon."

"I heard the Khajiit ambassador had to retire. They weren't feline well."

"Do you know what's a Khajiit's favorite color? Purr-ple."

"Do you know why the Dark Elves' ships are the fastest? They have Morrowind."

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